Olympic Standard Procrastination
261 is an odd composite number, composed of two prime numbers multiplied together. Bringing the number into the realm of tangible concepts, it is equivalent to 2 minutes and 41 seconds. Incidentally, it also happens to be the number of days I've had to write this blog post, having declared that one of my many resolutions for the new year would be to make better use of my social media presence. A very modern New Year's goal, admittedly. Although, paradoxically, most of the content detailed within this post comes from experiences that I've had within the last 9 months - perhaps it's better that I held off until this late stage in the year?
Unfortunately, as always seems to be the case when it comes to actually putting this one of many ways of bettering myself into practice; commitments happened, anxiety happened...
life happened. In spite of this, as my family and friends start to [re-]discover the trials and tribulations of articulating your feelings on the internet, I find myself once again sucked into the world of online diary entries and viewer statistics.
Bone Apple Tea
Many people would agree that being a human being is tough. It's common knowledge that life has it's own fine-tuned, perfectly honed set of skills, designed for throwing you challenges when you feel as though you could really do without them at that particular moment in time. However, it's arguable that smooth sailing from conception to decomposition would be a mere silhouette of an existence, having not been flavoured by the terrible, marvellous and downright crazy flavours of life. While a quote of a similar vein would do well on a "Positive Minds" Twitter page (something I won't deny seeking out on my darkest days), sufferers of anxiety will be well versed with most of these flavours, positive or not, being served to you while doused with a rather large helping of "oh my god what-the-
FUCK-is-happening" flavoured dressing.
Tinnitus is an underlying health condition that causes sporadic or permanent ringing in the ears. Sufferers of anxiety and those of tinnitus will find that they have more in common than they initially realised, given that, to the unfortunate majority, a quiet moment is never truly quiet. Like a gently simmering pan who's careless handler has just accidentally leant on the dial to turn the hob up by about 5 gas marks, thoughts and worries begin to cascade into the consciousness' line of sight, resulting in the all too familiar knotted stomach, sweaty palms and gentle queries from concerned family members about the worried expression you didn't even realise you were making.
The Pursuit of Gay Abandonment
Having finally worked up the courage to come out to my parents as bisexual a few days prior, and feeling the most open and accepting of myself that I'd ever felt up until that point, December 31st was a rather exceptional day. I convinced myself that 2016 really was going to be my year (yep, I genuinely am
that cliché sometimes). It took me just shy of a week from that point to realise that I was sorely mistaken. Given that myself and this year have now gone through a full gestation period together, birthing the unsure and anxious person that I am now, in comparison to who I was 9 months ago, it's clear to say that I won't be sorry to see the back of this chapter of my life. While some of the best days of my existence have occurred since the last time I shouted "Happy New Year!", mainly revolving around my solo adventure of a lifetime to London to see my favourite band live at Wembley Stadium (3 times!), that spark in a sea of gray (bonus points for identifying the reference) was quickly doused by family revelations, severed friendships and educational pressures; all having vastly increased my anticipation of the next time I'm able to utter the phrase without being on the receiving end of strange looks from passers by.
For fear of coming across as a 'glass-half-empty' pessimist, I will add that things are most definitely on the incline in Sam's world. The final trimester of this year promises to be full of befriending new people, going to a copious amount of gigs (my favourite places on Earth) and is even being rounded off by a 2 week trip to India. Nevertheless, I will stay true to my character traits and continue to toe the line of cautious optimism. While I'm not for one second expecting (or indeed hoping for) an easy ride; to draw inspiration from the aforementioned Twitter page - a smooth sea never made for a skilful sailor.
— Footnote: this poem is read out during an interval at Coldplay's A Head Full of Dreams concerts. I feel like it does a good job of articulating the general message of this blog post: goo.gl/Q4vqlZ
